Living with inlaws

IMG_3328Hi Im an Indian Muslim woman, married to an Indian Muslim man. We were married in 2015. I only recognised him through the very common social application “Facebook “; there actually all of us seem to be interesting & reality is hidden. I too hadn’t shared much of my own as I was a bit timid, later got to know that he was more shy. Things got settled & we been both married each other. Please note; “WE BOTH MARRIED EACH OTHER”… yes that same thing! I’m trying to tell all just this!

In our religion Islam it’s a procedure called nikah that is conducted between the bride & groom as an agreement to marriage with each other. We are made to sign few papers which conclude that we are lawfully wedded husband and wife. There is nothing else written in that agreement or article or nikah papers that would ever read or instruct a wedded bride to do the chores of house. Leave this matter, it’s not scripted as a condition to live with the inlaws, do the chores for them or any other members of the groom’s family, let alone the fact that the bride is married to one single person and not the entire lot!

In India, it’s believed that the bride, after marriage as so referred to as “bahu” should know all things & must take care of entire family, consisting the husband’s mother, father, sister(s), brother(s), brother(s) in laws, sister(s) in laws, aunts, uncles, etc whoever they maybe. She (bahu) must all the time veil/ parda/ cover her head with some drapes/ shawls/ dupattas, or anything handy and shouldn’t talk to all. Even in Hindu religion, the women face same problems. It is because during marriage the girl is married by the parents saying “kanyadaan” which means gifting the girl.. The girls don’t speak out what all is happening to them to their own parents. It’s a very sophisticated story & it’s old time tale that actually the other religions have been following or maybe forced to follow. But, similarly our Indians, especially the Muslim Indians follow this same thing till now, forcefully everywhere! We have nikah, not any obligation like them! Don’t you understand this point? That is why we women have full right to talk & speak out whatever is happening to us in our new home, in detail to our parents.

In Islam, our religion, it is a right “haq” of the wife over his wedded husband to get a separate house for her privacy. In the Islamic Shariah it is must for the boy/ man to have his separate home away from all to bring up  his own family by being intimate & private with his wife & give her ultimate freedom to feel free at home. Where other men or women shouldn’t see her in any negligent attire or any unveiling dress that might provoke any kind of thought in their minds or the wife’s mind. All the men except her own brother, own father who gave her birth, the others are Non-mehram The house should provide more than protection to her. The wife must be kept latent (hidden) from the horrible eyes of the world. But alas! The Muslim Indian families don’t follow this custom which is actually a Shariah! Not Any relative of the husband is supposed to live with the wife, except when it is restraints as there is no other place to go for them.

It is not obligatory for the wife to serve the husband’s parents also! She married him, not his parents or others. But if her heart melts & she wishes to serve them it is her Sadaqa on the husband & he should be grateful to the wife.

The husband, even being a son to his parents must be dutiful to his own parents & Serve them well. He shouldn’t neglect them also. So it is actually more responsibility for men in Islam, than for women, to take care of parents till their death.

Maybe the wife might not feel safe at home because of the NON-MEHRAM men treading in the home, or maybe her mother inlaw’s behaviour is not much appropriate towards her (thinking she’s not my daughter) also she might not be able to follow the customs properly. According to the Shariah, the wife can demand a separate house anytime & the husband shouldn’t negotiate her & neglect her words. Sometimes it is better to live off-relatives than with them. If it is not possible for the husband to provide another home to his wife, because of his financial condition, then he must atleast take care to provide a separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom/ toilet & room for herself & him to spend the time privately being latent to all. 

My dear Indians especially Muslim men & women, whoever are reading this article, please cooperate & stay happy with your family, the husband the wife & their unmarried children. Please don’t feel bad about this article & educate your fellow beings, bring up good culture & have a happy life.

Thank you

Advertisements

Palak paneer

Palak paneer (pronounced [paːlək pəniːr]) is a vegetarian dish from the Indian Subcontinent,[1] consisting of paneer in a thick paste made from puréed spinach and seasoned with garlic, garam masala, and other spices.

In this palak paneer recipe i have shown the method of blanching spinach. this is done so that the dish has a nice green color. few more similar recipes made with greens and paneer that you can try are:-

1. saag paneer

2. palak paneer kathi rolls

3. palak paneer bhurji

4. methi paneer

5. methi malai paneer

 

Palak paneer recipe (no onion no garlic version):-

This delicious palak paneer goes well with rotis, naan, parathas or tandoori rotis and even jeera rice or biryani rice or saffron rice or ghee rice. vegans can substitute paneer with tofu in this recipe. i have made palak tofu many times and even with tofu, the palak gravy tastes very good.

 

If you are looking for more yummy paneer recipes then you can check paneer kathi roll, paneer lababdar, paneer kolhapuri, paneer masala and chilli paneer schezwan recipe.

Palak paneer recipe

prep time:

30 mins

cook time

10 mins

total time: 40 mins

Palak paneer recipe – one of the most popular indian dishes. soft paneer cubes cooked in a smooth spinach curry.

ingredients (1 cup = 250 ml)

for the palak puree:

200 to 250 grams fresh spinach (palak) OR about 7 to 9 oz spinach

1 or 2 green chilies – chopped (hari mirch)

1 or 2 small to medium garlic cloves (lahsun) – roughly chopped (optional)

½ inch ginger – roughly chopped

3 cups water for blanching spinach

3 cups water for ice bath

for palak paneer curry:

1 small to medium sized onion – finely chopped OR about ⅓ cup finely chopped onion

1 small or medium sized tomato – chopped OR about ⅓ cup finely chopped tomatoes

4 to 5 small to medium garlic cloves (lahsun) – finely chopped

½ teaspoon cumin seeds (jeera)

¼ teaspoon turmeric powder (haldi)

½ teaspoon red chili powder (lal mirch powder) – optional

a pinch of asafoetida (hing) – optional

¼ or ½ teaspoon garam masala powder – add more if required

1 small to medium tej patta (indian bay leaf)

200 to 250 grams paneer or tofu OR about 7 to 9 oz paneer (cottage cheese)

⅓ to ½ cup water or add as required

1 or 2 tablespoon cream – low fat 25% to 35% (i used amul cream)

2 tablespoon oil or ghee or unsalted butter

1 teaspoon kasuri methi leaves (dry fenugreek leaves) – optional. kasuri methi is crushed and added right towards the end. just before adding cream.

salt as required

garnish:

a few teaspoons of cream or butter for topping the palak paneer (optional)

½ inch ginger – julienned

lemon or lime wedges or slices

how to make recipe

making the spinach puree:

rinse the palak or spinach leaves very well in running water. tender stem are fine. if the stems are stringy, then discard the stems.

boil 3 cups water in a pan or microwave or electric heater. add 1/4 tsp salt to the hot water and stir. then add the palak leaves in the hot water. close with a lid and let the palak leaves sit in the water for 2-3 mins.

strain the palak leaves.

immediately add the palak or spinach leaves in a pan or bowl containing ice cold water. this method helps in preserving the green color of the spinach. just add 8 to 10 ice cubes to 3 cups water to get cold water. allow the spinach leaves to be in the cold water for a minute or two.

then drain the ice cold water. add the spinach in a blender or grinder jar with chopped ginger, garlic and green chilies.

make a smooth palak puree. no need to add water while making the puree. keep the spinach puree aside.

making palak paneer curry:

heat oil or ghee or butter in a pan or kadai. if using butter, melt it a low flame making sure that the butter does not brown.

add the cumin and let them splutter.

then add the tej patta or bay leaf.

add the finely chopped onions. saute till the onions become golden.

then add the finely chopped garlic. saute till the raw aroma of garlic goes away. no need to brown the garlic.

add the chopped tomatoes. stir and saute the tomatoes till they soften.

once the tomatoes are softened and you see fat releasing from the sides of the mixture. then add the turmeric powder, red chili powder and asafoetida/hing.

stir very well.

then add the palak puree.

stir well.

add about 1/3 to 1/2 cup water or as required. stir again.

simmer for 6-7 minutes or more till the palak or spinach is cooked. season with salt. the gravy or sauce will also thicken by now.

stir and add garam masala powder.

stir again and then add the paneer (cottage cheese) cubes.

Stir gently and simmer on a low flame till the paneer cubes become soft and succulent. about 1 to 2 minutes.

lastly add cream. stir gently again so that the cream gets incorporated in the palak paneer gravy uniformly. switch off the flame.

stir and serve the palak paneer hot with some rotis, naan or jeera rice. you can top the palak paneer with some butter or cream also while serving. also drizzle a few drops of lime or lemon juice on top along with ginger julienne.

recipe notes

the paneer or tofu cubes can also be lightly fried and then added to the curry. in this case, you don’t need to cook the paneer or tofu in the gravy as when frying they are already cooked.

lets start step by step palak paneer recipe:

making the spinach/palak puree:

1. rinse the palak or spinach leaves (200 to 250 grams), very well in running water.

2. boil 3 cups water in a pan or microwave or electric heater. add ¼ tsp salt to the hot water and stir. then add the palak leaves in the hot water. close with a lid and let the palak leaves sit in the water for 2-3 mins. if using stove top then keep the pan down and switch off the gas.

3. strain the palak leaves. keep the stock aside as we can use later.

4. immediately add the palak or spinach leaves in a pan or bowl containing ice cold water. this method helps in preserving the green color of the spinach. just add 8 to 10 ice cubes to 3 cups water to get cold water. allow the spinach leaves to be in the cold water for a minute or two.

5. then drain the ice cold water. add the spinach in a blender or grinder jar with ½ inch chopped ginger, (1 or 2 small to medium) garlic cloves and 1 or 2 green chilies. you can also use a hand held immersion blender to make the puree.

6. make a smooth palak puree. no need to add water while making the puree. keep the spinach puree aside.

making the palak paneer curry:

 

7. heat 2 tbsp oil/ghee/butter in a pan or kadai. here i have used butter. if using butter, melt it a low flame making sure that the butter does not brown.

8. add ½ tsp cumin and let them splutter.

9. then add one tej patta/bay leaf (small to medium sized) .

10. add ⅓ cup finely chopped onions (1 small to medium sized onion).

11. saute till the onions become golden.

12. then add the finely chopped garlic/lahsun (4 to 5 small to medium sized). saute till the raw aroma of garlic goes away. no need to brown the garlic.

13. add ⅓ cup chopped tomatoes (1 small or medium sized tomato).

14. stir and saute the tomatoes till they soften.

15. once the tomatoes are softened and you see fat releasing from the sides of the mixture. then add ¼ tsp turmeric powder, ½ tsp red chili powder and a pinch of asafoetida/hing.

16. stir very well.

17. then add the palak puree.

18. stir well.

19. add about to ⅓ to ½ cup of the reserved stock or water or as required. stir again.

20. simmer for 6-7 minutes or more till the palak or spinach is cooked. season with salt. the gravy or sauce will also thicken by now.

21. stir and add (¼ to ½ tsp) garam masala powder.

22. stir again and then add the paneer/cottage cheese cubes (200 to 250 grams). i have added the paneer cubes directly to the gravy. but you can also lightly fry or saute the paneer cubes till they lightly browned and then add them to the palak gravy. in this case, you don’t need to cook the paneer further.

23. stir gently and simmer on a low flame till the paneer cubes become soft and succulent. about 1 to 2 minutes.

24. lastly add cream (1 or 2 tbsp cream, low fat 25% to 35%. i used amul cream). you can also add 1 tsp kasuri methi (crushed) at this step. kasuri methi is optional though.

25. stir gently again so that the cream gets incorporated in the palak paneer gravy uniformly. switch off the flame.

26. stir and serve the palak paneer hot with some rotis, plain naan or cheese naan or butter naan or khasta rotis or paratha or jeera rice or ghee rice or pudina paratha. you can top the palak paneer with some butter or cream also while serving. also drizzle a few drops of lime or lemon juice on top along with ginger julienne.

 

Kaduva Sach

33E92E3A-A8B4-4F09-8C43-9F5C986E48E2.jpegEk ek baat yad aarahi hai! Kitni taklifo se guzre mere ye shadi ke 2 yrs…
4th october 2015 ko shadi hui, shadi ke starting me hi inke aunty ne cooler mangwaliya! Aur karlo bat! Bolte hain ki aj tak humne kuch nahi maanga tumhare maa-baap se dahej me..
Sath me sab furniture, grahasti ka saman pura, 17-18 tola gold, 25-30 dresses, dining table bi layi thi! Sab layi thi.. aur bole ki dahej nahi lete hum.. baadme husband ke sath riyadh gayi, to real sasural, welcome me 1 nanand, saas aur ek aunty the bas.. ghar gayi 11 bajre the rat ke.. yar koi dinner ke liye bi nai puche!
Next day itself kaam shuru! (Ghar pe mere mayike mein hamesha servents rehte the.. ek din bhi na jhadu dena pada, na bartan dhoyi thi, na kuch tha kaam) sasural me 100% kamwali-bai bangayi.. hatho se mehendi tak nahi utri thi, bartan dhulwaye gaye washbasin bharke!
2nd day tha aur meri wali face cream dull hai, bolkar unlog ki cream lagwaye.. and the result; I got immediate rashes on skin with irritation. Ab hadh hogayi thi interference ki..
Mere kapde dekhke nanand bole “itne saste aur gharelu kapde? Uff kitne saste me hogya hoga apka jehez (perfect word to hide or make it latent, dahej) ka saman? Ye bi koi baat hai, itne saste aur regular sarees?”
Mujhe cheap bolagaya, low class bolagaya, unke bhai (husband) ko phasake shadi karliye bolagaya, agar sar pe dupatta nahi dali to aqlaaq nahi hai, sharam nahi hai bolagaya… aur har baat pe jhooti bolagaya mujhe.. kabhi zara der 30-45 mins extra neend laggayi to “sasural me sote kya? Aisa nahi sona chahiye sasural me.. galat baat hai!” Bolgayi nanand, “apko saas ka ya nanando ka dar-khauf nahi hai kya? Sasural me akey sote ap?” Bolgayi nanand..
Now tell me about this seriously this new home, jaha shadi karke ayi mai, waha thodi der chayn se so bhi nahi sakti? Other thing is.. why in the world should I be afraid of these people? Allah se aur Qayamat se darna hai bas.. dusre logo se nahi!
Mere room ke pas akey mai kya baat karrahi hu sunte hai kaan lagake.. (serial ke jaise same!!!)
Mere colour pe bi comment hua, I’m dark bolagaya.. “photo me koi aur the ab shadi me koi aur hai ap” bole saas aur nanands teeno milke mujhe beizzat karte the har baar.. ki mai suitable nai hu mere husband ke liye..
I had 2 miscarriages*!!! 😭 Stress boht hogya tha toh thyroid agya & isliye miscarriages hogaye 2 times!
Boht roti 😭 thi.. koi samjhane bhi nahi ata tha.. used to miss my home.. but Saudi se niklana asan nai hai.. takes time… lots of time..
Ladai shuru karte the ye log, mai inlogo ko defence me kuch bolungi toh “ulta jawab dere badtamiz hai” bolenge.. Agar chup rahugi to.. “khauf ya sharam nahi hai, bas khade hokar sunre” bolenge..
lad-jhagadke ilzaamo ki barish karke khud alag hone ka decide karliye aur sab blame mujhpe aya.. “bhabi ladaiya karke alag kardiye humku” (shadi ke bad bi inlog mayike me apne husbands ke sath rehre the dono sisters- my both nanands) ab dur hue to sab mujhpe dalre blame ki “hamare haste khelte pariwar ko nazar lagake alag kardiye bhabi!”
New ghar mein aye to badelog fateha karte hai, yaseen padte hai, milk boil karte hai, etc.. but yaha hamare pas ghar me enter hote hi hamare sasuma mujhe “dhokebaz, ghar-todu aurat! Mera ghar barbaad kardiye tum aur tumhare maa-baap ab chayn se raho bolo” bolrahe the..
I was pregnant* (my present born son) inside (third time pregnant) aur mujhe sasuma mere khajoor ke laddu khao bolkar diye! So good na!!!!
Pehle samajhme nahi aya tha ki kya hai wo brown so I asked her kis chiz ke hai laddu toh bole “gurh (jaggery) ke hai, khalo sehat ke liye ache hai”
I dont know why magar mujhe mann nai hora tha laddu khane ka.. I took the laddus & broke it to 2 pieces & found this.. khajoor ka chake, jo uske upar hota hai na, wo dekhke I was numb…!!!! Terrified that she lied to me! Husband ko boli to bole uswaqt “its ok nahi dekhe honge mere mom.. janedo mat khao phekdo. Bolo mat ki nahi khaye” and I swear I threw it & cried a lot! And today is the day.. after all these 2 yrs he’s saying “I don’t remember it at all”..
Mai 4 months pregnant thi to bhi jhadu lagati thi & cooking karti thi.. (inki beti ab pregnant hai to pani ka glass bhi khud hi uthke derahe hai!!!) bolte hain mere sasuma ki “mai tumhare mein aur meri betiyo mein farak nahi karti! Alag nahi samajhti aur khayal karti hu tumhara”.. So is this what u call as bahu-betiyo me farak nahi karna aur khayal karna???
1st Anniversary pe 1 flower tak nahi diye saas gift mein! Husband hi puri party arrange kiye, aur sabko invite kiye, (ladai thi na behen se unki to mai aur mere husband jakar mafi bhi mangke invite kare nanand aur nandoyi ko).. kyun??? 😒 saas bole isliye jana pada..
Pregnant thi toh chocolates & plums khaneka mann hota tha.. “kaali chize nai khana, humku to dhoka hogya, ab anewali aulaad to achi khubsurat rehna na..! Ab roz subha uthke ayine me mat dekho pehle. Pehle Rafeeq ku dekho, phir dekho idhar udhar..” Bolre saas mere! Aur phenkdete the sab..
Alag hue bad mere sasur mujhe indirectly jahannumi bole..!! “Surah nisaa pado, usme hai dekho ki khoon ke rishto ko alag karne walo ko kya bolte hai, wo aurat jahannumi hai, jahannumi!Jo budde maa-baap se unki aulaad ko dur kardiye! Aisi jahannumi aurat ko Talaq dedene ka hukum hai!!” Hearing this, I cried a lot… uske bad translation dekhna pada, pura padhai kiya maine.. there was not such a thing as relevant to my scenerio! I asked my husband ki “koi apne maqsad ke liye quran ki ayaton ko distort karke bole to kya hota hai?” He said “gunah hai boht bada, Allah will never forgive”.. ye sunkar boht hasi ayi aur mai phir kuch nahi boli..

Mera beta jab paida hua tha to sab khush the.. ab nazar lagane wale, jalne wale, comment karne wale to boht hote hai, magar daadi-daada ka farz hota hai ki wo apne potey ko Aasman ka farishta batlayein chahe wo kaisa bhi kyun na ho, kyunki wo unki khudki aulaad ki pehli aulaad hai! Par lo! Khud bhi shuru hogaye! “Maine kaha tha tumko ki kaali chize mat khao magar tumne meri ek na suni.. dekho aj kaisa nateeja aya! Sab naam rakhrahe hai.. Allah se bas dua karna hai ki tumko Allah sahi Aqlaaq de aur bachche ke chehre par noor aye.. (seriously? Mera beta abhi 2 mahine ka bhi nahi tha aur usko abhi se is duniya me daadi-daada se aisa comment mila! Mujhe boht gussa aya, kyun nahi ayega? Mera beta hai wo! Main sab sun sakti hun, par mere bete ke khilaaf kuch nahi sunungi.. Aj tak boht sunliya, bardasht karliya maine.. bas.. aur nahi, aur mere bete ke barey mein to bilkul bhi nahi! Katayi bhi nahi!!
2nd Anniversary par india mein thi, toh bolre the ki “salam tak nahi kare Anniversary par tum, badtamiz ho!”
Recently jab india mein thi, vacation ke liye Ooty gaye waqt, waha par sasural mein, saudi mein, hamare sasur sahab ko pneumonia hogya to msg kiye mere nanand mujhe, bcz mere husband ka number off tha tab.. so I gave it to him, her brother after all.. later on I called up sasuma & asked about his health toh bole ki admitted hai hospital mein.. aur phir “mujhe ek call araha hai, badme call karungi tumko,” bolkar cut kardiye.. I forgot about this bcz of my son’s 1st flu 🤒 Toh bole ki “sharam tak nahi hai bahu ko, ehsas margaya! Sasur admitted hai hospital me to bhi call karke khairiyat tak nahi puchre!” My Husband got angry & said “dad konsa thikse bat karte hai usse? Unlog to baat bhi nai karlete ghar mein, dad salam ka bhi jawab nahi dete kaee baar  usko, to call kyun karenge? Aur apko toh call kardiye the na, puche the na halat wagaira, to kyun bolrahe ho yeh sab?” To unka beta bi side leraha hai bahu ki sonchkar “tumlog dono badtamiz ho, sudharne ka naam nahi hai dono mein, kyun ulta jawab deraha hai mujhe tu! Wah! Kya badal gaya re? Raho sasural mein hi” bole sasuma.. My husband was totally angry.. I said I’ll handle it..
ab toh roz sasural wapas aye tabse sasuma kuch na kuch bolte rehti hain.. sath me khud ki beti aur damad bi rehrahe hain wapas! So what has changed??? Sab reverse hogya!

Par… ab bardasht ki hadh paar hochuki hai.. nahi hota aur sunna.. ab boht hua.. If she starts anything now I’ll burst out entire suffocation of these 2 years of pain on her!!!