Living with inlaws

IMG_3328Hi Im an Indian Muslim woman, married to an Indian Muslim man. We were married in 2015. I only recognised him through the very common social application “Facebook “; there actually all of us seem to be interesting & reality is hidden. I too hadn’t shared much of my own as I was a bit timid, later got to know that he was more shy. Things got settled & we been both married each other. Please note; “WE BOTH MARRIED EACH OTHER”… yes that same thing! I’m trying to tell all just this!

In our religion Islam it’s a procedure called nikah that is conducted between the bride & groom as an agreement to marriage with each other. We are made to sign few papers which conclude that we are lawfully wedded husband and wife. There is nothing else written in that agreement or article or nikah papers that would ever read or instruct a wedded bride to do the chores of house. Leave this matter, it’s not scripted as a condition to live with the inlaws, do the chores for them or any other members of the groom’s family, let alone the fact that the bride is married to one single person and not the entire lot!

In India, it’s believed that the bride, after marriage as so referred to as “bahu” should know all things & must take care of entire family, consisting the husband’s mother, father, sister(s), brother(s), brother(s) in laws, sister(s) in laws, aunts, uncles, etc whoever they maybe. She (bahu) must all the time veil/ parda/ cover her head with some drapes/ shawls/ dupattas, or anything handy and shouldn’t talk to all. Even in Hindu religion, the women face same problems. It is because during marriage the girl is married by the parents saying “kanyadaan” which means gifting the girl.. The girls don’t speak out what all is happening to them to their own parents. It’s a very sophisticated story & it’s old time tale that actually the other religions have been following or maybe forced to follow. But, similarly our Indians, especially the Muslim Indians follow this same thing till now, forcefully everywhere! We have nikah, not any obligation like them! Don’t you understand this point? That is why we women have full right to talk & speak out whatever is happening to us in our new home, in detail to our parents.

In Islam, our religion, it is a right “haq” of the wife over his wedded husband to get a separate house for her privacy. In the Islamic Shariah it is must for the boy/ man to have his separate home away from all to bring up  his own family by being intimate & private with his wife & give her ultimate freedom to feel free at home. Where other men or women shouldn’t see her in any negligent attire or any unveiling dress that might provoke any kind of thought in their minds or the wife’s mind. All the men except her own brother, own father who gave her birth, the others are Non-mehram The house should provide more than protection to her. The wife must be kept latent (hidden) from the horrible eyes of the world. But alas! The Muslim Indian families don’t follow this custom which is actually a Shariah! Not Any relative of the husband is supposed to live with the wife, except when it is restraints as there is no other place to go for them.

It is not obligatory for the wife to serve the husband’s parents also! She married him, not his parents or others. But if her heart melts & she wishes to serve them it is her Sadaqa on the husband & he should be grateful to the wife.

The husband, even being a son to his parents must be dutiful to his own parents & Serve them well. He shouldn’t neglect them also. So it is actually more responsibility for men in Islam, than for women, to take care of parents till their death.

Maybe the wife might not feel safe at home because of the NON-MEHRAM men treading in the home, or maybe her mother inlaw’s behaviour is not much appropriate towards her (thinking she’s not my daughter) also she might not be able to follow the customs properly. According to the Shariah, the wife can demand a separate house anytime & the husband shouldn’t negotiate her & neglect her words. Sometimes it is better to live off-relatives than with them. If it is not possible for the husband to provide another home to his wife, because of his financial condition, then he must atleast take care to provide a separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom/ toilet & room for herself & him to spend the time privately being latent to all. 

My dear Indians especially Muslim men & women, whoever are reading this article, please cooperate & stay happy with your family, the husband the wife & their unmarried children. Please don’t feel bad about this article & educate your fellow beings, bring up good culture & have a happy life.

Thank you