Kaduva Sach

33E92E3A-A8B4-4F09-8C43-9F5C986E48E2.jpegEk ek baat yad aarahi hai! Kitni taklifo se guzre mere ye shadi ke 2 yrs…
4th october 2015 ko shadi hui, shadi ke starting me hi inke aunty ne cooler mangwaliya! Aur karlo bat! Bolte hain ki aj tak humne kuch nahi maanga tumhare maa-baap se dahej me..
Sath me sab furniture, grahasti ka saman pura, 17-18 tola gold, 25-30 dresses, dining table bi layi thi! Sab layi thi.. aur bole ki dahej nahi lete hum.. baadme husband ke sath riyadh gayi, to real sasural, welcome me 1 nanand, saas aur ek aunty the bas.. ghar gayi 11 bajre the rat ke.. yar koi dinner ke liye bi nai puche!
Next day itself kaam shuru! (Ghar pe mere mayike mein hamesha servents rehte the.. ek din bhi na jhadu dena pada, na bartan dhoyi thi, na kuch tha kaam) sasural me 100% kamwali-bai bangayi.. hatho se mehendi tak nahi utri thi, bartan dhulwaye gaye washbasin bharke!
2nd day tha aur meri wali face cream dull hai, bolkar unlog ki cream lagwaye.. and the result; I got immediate rashes on skin with irritation. Ab hadh hogayi thi interference ki..
Mere kapde dekhke nanand bole “itne saste aur gharelu kapde? Uff kitne saste me hogya hoga apka jehez (perfect word to hide or make it latent, dahej) ka saman? Ye bi koi baat hai, itne saste aur regular sarees?”
Mujhe cheap bolagaya, low class bolagaya, unke bhai (husband) ko phasake shadi karliye bolagaya, agar sar pe dupatta nahi dali to aqlaaq nahi hai, sharam nahi hai bolagaya… aur har baat pe jhooti bolagaya mujhe.. kabhi zara der 30-45 mins extra neend laggayi to “sasural me sote kya? Aisa nahi sona chahiye sasural me.. galat baat hai!” Bolgayi nanand, “apko saas ka ya nanando ka dar-khauf nahi hai kya? Sasural me akey sote ap?” Bolgayi nanand..
Now tell me about this seriously this new home, jaha shadi karke ayi mai, waha thodi der chayn se so bhi nahi sakti? Other thing is.. why in the world should I be afraid of these people? Allah se aur Qayamat se darna hai bas.. dusre logo se nahi!
Mere room ke pas akey mai kya baat karrahi hu sunte hai kaan lagake.. (serial ke jaise same!!!)
Mere colour pe bi comment hua, I’m dark bolagaya.. “photo me koi aur the ab shadi me koi aur hai ap” bole saas aur nanands teeno milke mujhe beizzat karte the har baar.. ki mai suitable nai hu mere husband ke liye..
I had 2 miscarriages*!!! 😭 Stress boht hogya tha toh thyroid agya & isliye miscarriages hogaye 2 times!
Boht roti 😭 thi.. koi samjhane bhi nahi ata tha.. used to miss my home.. but Saudi se niklana asan nai hai.. takes time… lots of time..
Ladai shuru karte the ye log, mai inlogo ko defence me kuch bolungi toh “ulta jawab dere badtamiz hai” bolenge.. Agar chup rahugi to.. “khauf ya sharam nahi hai, bas khade hokar sunre” bolenge..
lad-jhagadke ilzaamo ki barish karke khud alag hone ka decide karliye aur sab blame mujhpe aya.. “bhabi ladaiya karke alag kardiye humku” (shadi ke bad bi inlog mayike me apne husbands ke sath rehre the dono sisters- my both nanands) ab dur hue to sab mujhpe dalre blame ki “hamare haste khelte pariwar ko nazar lagake alag kardiye bhabi!”
New ghar mein aye to badelog fateha karte hai, yaseen padte hai, milk boil karte hai, etc.. but yaha hamare pas ghar me enter hote hi hamare sasuma mujhe “dhokebaz, ghar-todu aurat! Mera ghar barbaad kardiye tum aur tumhare maa-baap ab chayn se raho bolo” bolrahe the..
I was pregnant* (my present born son) inside (third time pregnant) aur mujhe sasuma mere khajoor ke laddu khao bolkar diye! So good na!!!!
Pehle samajhme nahi aya tha ki kya hai wo brown so I asked her kis chiz ke hai laddu toh bole “gurh (jaggery) ke hai, khalo sehat ke liye ache hai”
I dont know why magar mujhe mann nai hora tha laddu khane ka.. I took the laddus & broke it to 2 pieces & found this.. khajoor ka chake, jo uske upar hota hai na, wo dekhke I was numb…!!!! Terrified that she lied to me! Husband ko boli to bole uswaqt “its ok nahi dekhe honge mere mom.. janedo mat khao phekdo. Bolo mat ki nahi khaye” and I swear I threw it & cried a lot! And today is the day.. after all these 2 yrs he’s saying “I don’t remember it at all”..
Mai 4 months pregnant thi to bhi jhadu lagati thi & cooking karti thi.. (inki beti ab pregnant hai to pani ka glass bhi khud hi uthke derahe hai!!!) bolte hain mere sasuma ki “mai tumhare mein aur meri betiyo mein farak nahi karti! Alag nahi samajhti aur khayal karti hu tumhara”.. So is this what u call as bahu-betiyo me farak nahi karna aur khayal karna???
1st Anniversary pe 1 flower tak nahi diye saas gift mein! Husband hi puri party arrange kiye, aur sabko invite kiye, (ladai thi na behen se unki to mai aur mere husband jakar mafi bhi mangke invite kare nanand aur nandoyi ko).. kyun??? 😒 saas bole isliye jana pada..
Pregnant thi toh chocolates & plums khaneka mann hota tha.. “kaali chize nai khana, humku to dhoka hogya, ab anewali aulaad to achi khubsurat rehna na..! Ab roz subha uthke ayine me mat dekho pehle. Pehle Rafeeq ku dekho, phir dekho idhar udhar..” Bolre saas mere! Aur phenkdete the sab..
Alag hue bad mere sasur mujhe indirectly jahannumi bole..!! “Surah nisaa pado, usme hai dekho ki khoon ke rishto ko alag karne walo ko kya bolte hai, wo aurat jahannumi hai, jahannumi!Jo budde maa-baap se unki aulaad ko dur kardiye! Aisi jahannumi aurat ko Talaq dedene ka hukum hai!!” Hearing this, I cried a lot… uske bad translation dekhna pada, pura padhai kiya maine.. there was not such a thing as relevant to my scenerio! I asked my husband ki “koi apne maqsad ke liye quran ki ayaton ko distort karke bole to kya hota hai?” He said “gunah hai boht bada, Allah will never forgive”.. ye sunkar boht hasi ayi aur mai phir kuch nahi boli..

Mera beta jab paida hua tha to sab khush the.. ab nazar lagane wale, jalne wale, comment karne wale to boht hote hai, magar daadi-daada ka farz hota hai ki wo apne potey ko Aasman ka farishta batlayein chahe wo kaisa bhi kyun na ho, kyunki wo unki khudki aulaad ki pehli aulaad hai! Par lo! Khud bhi shuru hogaye! “Maine kaha tha tumko ki kaali chize mat khao magar tumne meri ek na suni.. dekho aj kaisa nateeja aya! Sab naam rakhrahe hai.. Allah se bas dua karna hai ki tumko Allah sahi Aqlaaq de aur bachche ke chehre par noor aye.. (seriously? Mera beta abhi 2 mahine ka bhi nahi tha aur usko abhi se is duniya me daadi-daada se aisa comment mila! Mujhe boht gussa aya, kyun nahi ayega? Mera beta hai wo! Main sab sun sakti hun, par mere bete ke khilaaf kuch nahi sunungi.. Aj tak boht sunliya, bardasht karliya maine.. bas.. aur nahi, aur mere bete ke barey mein to bilkul bhi nahi! Katayi bhi nahi!!
2nd Anniversary par india mein thi, toh bolre the ki “salam tak nahi kare Anniversary par tum, badtamiz ho!”
Recently jab india mein thi, vacation ke liye Ooty gaye waqt, waha par sasural mein, saudi mein, hamare sasur sahab ko pneumonia hogya to msg kiye mere nanand mujhe, bcz mere husband ka number off tha tab.. so I gave it to him, her brother after all.. later on I called up sasuma & asked about his health toh bole ki admitted hai hospital mein.. aur phir “mujhe ek call araha hai, badme call karungi tumko,” bolkar cut kardiye.. I forgot about this bcz of my son’s 1st flu 🤒 Toh bole ki “sharam tak nahi hai bahu ko, ehsas margaya! Sasur admitted hai hospital me to bhi call karke khairiyat tak nahi puchre!” My Husband got angry & said “dad konsa thikse bat karte hai usse? Unlog to baat bhi nai karlete ghar mein, dad salam ka bhi jawab nahi dete kaee baar  usko, to call kyun karenge? Aur apko toh call kardiye the na, puche the na halat wagaira, to kyun bolrahe ho yeh sab?” To unka beta bi side leraha hai bahu ki sonchkar “tumlog dono badtamiz ho, sudharne ka naam nahi hai dono mein, kyun ulta jawab deraha hai mujhe tu! Wah! Kya badal gaya re? Raho sasural mein hi” bole sasuma.. My husband was totally angry.. I said I’ll handle it..
ab toh roz sasural wapas aye tabse sasuma kuch na kuch bolte rehti hain.. sath me khud ki beti aur damad bi rehrahe hain wapas! So what has changed??? Sab reverse hogya!

Par… ab bardasht ki hadh paar hochuki hai.. nahi hota aur sunna.. ab boht hua.. If she starts anything now I’ll burst out entire suffocation of these 2 years of pain on her!!!

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Living with inlaws

IMG_3328Hi Im an Indian Muslim woman, married to an Indian Muslim man. We were married in 2015. I only recognised him through the very common social application “Facebook “; there actually all of us seem to be interesting & reality is hidden. I too hadn’t shared much of my own as I was a bit timid, later got to know that he was more shy. Things got settled & we been both married each other. Please note; “WE BOTH MARRIED EACH OTHER”… yes that same thing! I’m trying to tell all just this!

In our religion Islam it’s a procedure called nikah that is conducted between the bride & groom as an agreement to marriage with each other. We are made to sign few papers which conclude that we are lawfully wedded husband and wife. There is nothing else written in that agreement or article or nikah papers that would ever read or instruct a wedded bride to do the chores of house. Leave this matter, it’s not scripted as a condition to live with the inlaws, do the chores for them or any other members of the groom’s family, let alone the fact that the bride is married to one single person and not the entire lot!

In India, it’s believed that the bride, after marriage as so referred to as “bahu” should know all things & must take care of entire family, consisting the husband’s mother, father, sister(s), brother(s), brother(s) in laws, sister(s) in laws, aunts, uncles, etc whoever they maybe. She (bahu) must all the time veil/ parda/ cover her head with some drapes/ shawls/ dupattas, or anything handy and shouldn’t talk to all. Even in Hindu religion, the women face same problems. It is because during marriage the girl is married by the parents saying “kanyadaan” which means gifting the girl.. The girls don’t speak out what all is happening to them to their own parents. It’s a very sophisticated story & it’s old time tale that actually the other religions have been following or maybe forced to follow. But, similarly our Indians, especially the Muslim Indians follow this same thing till now, forcefully everywhere! We have nikah, not any obligation like them! Don’t you understand this point? That is why we women have full right to talk & speak out whatever is happening to us in our new home, in detail to our parents.

In Islam, our religion, it is a right “haq” of the wife over his wedded husband to get a separate house for her privacy. In the Islamic Shariah it is must for the boy/ man to have his separate home away from all to bring up  his own family by being intimate & private with his wife & give her ultimate freedom to feel free at home. Where other men or women shouldn’t see her in any negligent attire or any unveiling dress that might provoke any kind of thought in their minds or the wife’s mind. All the men except her own brother, own father who gave her birth, the others are Non-mehram The house should provide more than protection to her. The wife must be kept latent (hidden) from the horrible eyes of the world. But alas! The Muslim Indian families don’t follow this custom which is actually a Shariah! Not Any relative of the husband is supposed to live with the wife, except when it is restraints as there is no other place to go for them.

It is not obligatory for the wife to serve the husband’s parents also! She married him, not his parents or others. But if her heart melts & she wishes to serve them it is her Sadaqa on the husband & he should be grateful to the wife.

The husband, even being a son to his parents must be dutiful to his own parents & Serve them well. He shouldn’t neglect them also. So it is actually more responsibility for men in Islam, than for women, to take care of parents till their death.

Maybe the wife might not feel safe at home because of the NON-MEHRAM men treading in the home, or maybe her mother inlaw’s behaviour is not much appropriate towards her (thinking she’s not my daughter) also she might not be able to follow the customs properly. According to the Shariah, the wife can demand a separate house anytime & the husband shouldn’t negotiate her & neglect her words. Sometimes it is better to live off-relatives than with them. If it is not possible for the husband to provide another home to his wife, because of his financial condition, then he must atleast take care to provide a separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom/ toilet & room for herself & him to spend the time privately being latent to all. 

My dear Indians especially Muslim men & women, whoever are reading this article, please cooperate & stay happy with your family, the husband the wife & their unmarried children. Please don’t feel bad about this article & educate your fellow beings, bring up good culture & have a happy life.

Thank you